hello again.

For some reason, I'm having a really hard time writing this "I'm back!" entry. On LiveJournal, I never cared about how/what I wrote because the only people reading it were my closest friends. With blogger, it's a bit different because it's public.

When I was updating in Japan, I was actively trying to be a "japan blogger". I felt like I had to write a certain way and because I had my music journalism gig on the side, I felt like I had to portray the version of "miss wave" I wanted people to see.

I didn't initially think this, but the more I thought about reviving my blog the more I wanted it to feel like my early days of blogging. AKA, this is what I did today. This is what made me mad, this is what made me happy, this is what made me cry.

Earlier today, I read an old entry about my first couple days in Japan and seeing girugamesh at an instore gig. I had completely forgotten about it. Like, entirely. I mean, I know I just turned 30 in February, but I feel like I shouldn't be forgetting things that quickly.

About a month after I moved back, I made a post basically saying the same thing. That I want this blog to be more personal and less branded. Obviously, I kept that on the back burner for almost 2 years, but I feel really excited about starting up again.

It's been a gloomy rainy Sunday because of Hurricane-Tropical-Depression (whatever it is now) Nate, and I've had that same kind of excitement I felt every time I was working on a blog refresh or I starting something new. Just feels good to do something. 

And by do something, I mean something productive. I think it's a part of my personality that I feel kind of lost when I'm not doing something like this. I really had to learn how to relax since coming back to the states and I've learned well. I watch a lot of Bravo, play a lot of Sims 3, and spend way too much time on Pinterest. The only thing I've really been diligent about is exercising and eating healthy.


Despite being really frustrated and angry with our current administration, on the whole a lot of good things have happened to me over the past two years. They were some tough spots, but for me personally, the good well outweighed the bad.

I'd like to try to post some of those (mostly trips) because I really like having a blog to come and look back on them later.

But...we'll see how long it takes me to get those up, haha.


♡ jennifer

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(non)sense of direction

 So aside from that "sales" post in August, I haven't made a proper post here since...July? Lawd. However, for once I have a legitimate excuse! As most of you (maybe?) know, around the end of June/July I made the decision to leave Japan and move back to the U.S.

To be perfectly honest, those last few months in Japan were really difficult and bittersweet and I will probably never, ever move internationally again (unless I become some kind of three possession nomad), but now that everything is said and done and I've had time to settle in, I do miss Japan; I miss my friends and the life I made there. But, I'm also really really happy to be home and I have no doubt that this was the right decision for me.

Oh, I should probably preface this with a disclaimer: this isn't really gonna be one of those picture-heavy (well, maybe a little) posts. No scenery, no concert shots. Just me. Because it's been an incredibly introspective month and a half since I've been back and I need to get it out somewhere. I mean who uses LJ anymore anyway? Apologies in advance, it's a long one.

Way better than IHOP

Obligatory Sephora haul

Georgia weather means autumn swimming!

Some hipster beer with a hipster 'stache

Greek food with momma and grandma

Oh, that Halloween craze

Cuban food with Bruddah♡

About that picture quality: so I ordered the new iPhone on October 5th and it took about a month and a half to get it. I basically just got it and even then I was too paranoid to use it until I got a case. So these were all taken with my mom's old 4. Not even 4S. Aaaaah. This reeks of first world problem, I'm so sorry.

Anyway. So the first week, two weeks I'd say, were really easy. I was so relieved to not be packing and unpacking, dealing with forms, paying ludicrous amounts of money in taxes to the Japanese government and worrying about how I was going to get two suitcases and two carry-ons back to Atlanta that I didn't really think much beyond that. It was like coming home for Christmas, but weird because at the same time--and for the first time in nearly 5 years--I knew I didn't have to get back on a plane again in 10 days.

Before I knew it Halloween had passed (I was Rosie the Riveter) a month passed, and all the "Oh shit" feelings started to settle in. The faux Christmas vacation was over and I knew I had to start looking for jobs, but I didn't even know where to begin much less what state or city I wanted to make my next adventure.

When I left Japan, I was about 95% sure I wanted to move to LA and keep doing what I was doing with trickrock. I'd just get paid for it this time. So I bought a plane ticket to LA, my first time out in California, to visit Carrie and Nina. Really bummed I didn't get to see all my friends out there, but to be honest LA is a post all on its own so we'll get to that next :)

After I got back I felt kind of weird because...LA was really fun and I'm really glad I did it, but I'm not sure it's for me. I honestly don't know where I want to be stateside. Even though, I'm not a native Georgian (Jersey-born and raised) I've lived on the east coast my whole life. Well, you know. Aside from that 5 year stint in Japan.

So maybe the west coast is my next adventure? Not sure. Portland seems really cool, but I'm also still drawn to New York and most of my extended family still lives in the northeast.

Honestly, I have no idea and that's really scary.

"In my dragon wagon."

Speaking of scary, how about that master artwork up there? Courtesy of 3, maybe 4 year old me.

Ooops, I just dated myself. Can you find me?

So, for the last few years that I've been coming home, my mom has always mentioned that she wanted to go through old boxes in my closet and the basement, but we never got to it. So finally, we did. And there's a whooooole lot of boxes; as far back as preschool and as recent as college.

I've found a lot of gems; some that made me laugh, some that made me cry, some that I remember and some that I don't. I've found piles of of drawings, sketchbook after sketchbook, and pages and pages of creative writing. Honestly Spiegel's (11th or 12th?) grade writing class was probably one of the best high school decisions I ever made.

And honestly, I wasn't bad; both at writing and drawing. I've never been the best, but I've always been just good. Not great, not amazing, just...good. At a lot of things, actually. I was that kid with all the hobbies and I couldn't--still can't--pick just one so I'm constantly trying to do them all.

Then I wondered, why did I ever stop doing these things? I have so many interests and sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I avoid getting back into them because I can't perfect them. Or I'm afraid I'll pick up a pencil or look at that blanking cursor and be too afraid to start up again. Because that OCD, first-born, perfectionist part of my personality doesn't want to admit that I can't be the best and I can't do it all.

But that's okay, too.



I know this is really really long, but honestly going through all these boxes and having all this free time since I've been home has given me a lot of time to think and a lot to think about.

Japan was an amazing adventure and I know I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I hadn't made the difficult decision to leave my family and friends behind for a new adventure. I learned a lot, hurt a lot, and grew a lot over there. I also had the time of my life. It's made me tougher, wiser, kinder, yet also more realistic. I wouldn't have traded those experiences for anything, but also feel a bit sad that I missed so much stateside as well.

I think anytime you decide to embark on something new, you leave things behind, give things up. When we moved to Georgia I left behind all my childhood friends and extended family, when I moved to Japan I left behind my best friends from high school and college, my mom, dad, and brother. And finally coming back stateside, I left behind a part of my independence, a life I'd built for myself over nearly 5 years, my Japan "family" and lots of very dear friends.

And it's hard, really hard, each and every time.

I'm still kind of nervous about what's next and for the first time in a really long time, I don't know where I'll be in six months. Maybe I'll be out in Portland, hanging out with ridiculous tattooed and mustached hipsters or maybe I'll be in NYC in a tiny studio apartment with some expert IKEA furniture tessellating. And probably more hipster friends. Then again, maybe I'll still end up in California or in some southern coastal town in a house with a porch.

I have no idea. And that's the simultaneously thrilling and terrifying part that keeps me going.

○　●　○　●　○

So, I know I say this every time (almost), but I really, really want to start blogging again. And be relatively consistent. I'm not quite sure what kind of blog I want to make this, but I know I want to keep it up. I'm thinking maybe sometimes it'll be photography focused, sometimes travel, sometimes daily life, and sometimes more personal like this. 

When I first made this blog, I think I probably made it with the intention of branding myself; of creating an image of the things I did and the life that I led just in case that music journalist career ever took off. And in a lot of ways, that was true. I did do those things and I did travel to those places, and I did meet those people.

And yet the personal touch wasn't there and that kind of bothered me. I miss having an outlet and a place to put these things down and if I've learned anything from going back through all these boxes and journals, it's that it's equally sobering and liberating to go back and be able to look back on the person you used to be, the person you are right now, and then maybe look forward to the person you want to be. 

That being said, I noticed that this blog has still been getting views even in my absence and that makes me really happy!

I'll try to keep interesting content coming and there's still a whole lot of "to write" posts I've had in a notebook since forever, but ultimately, I think you have to blog for yourself. In a way that makes you happy. I'm still trying to figure out what that is for me and I'll be busy with job searching and family stuff as the holidays are just around the corner, but my goal is to at least try to keep this up. 

There's a lot going on right now, but I know that somehow, some way things are going to work out. So thanks for sticking with me! 

♡ jennifer

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3.11 tohoku earthquake

I know most of you have heard enough about the Sendai earthquake on Friday and frankly, I've heard almost more than I can handle so I'll make this brief.

When the first one struck at 2:45pm on Friday, I was at work. I stumbled out of the bathroom and into a shaking room full of half-panicked people and half-I'm gonna work until this building crumbles to the ground type people. Our building is new and strong but we still felt the up-and-down jolting.

The bad kind of jolting.

If it sways, it's probably fine, if it goes up and down there's danger. Myself and two other coworkers ran down the fire escape but two people smoking on the ground floor apparently hadn't felt it.

We walked back upstairs (7th floor) and were shaken up but otherwise fine.

Until the second main quake hit. The first main aftershock which was a quake in and of itself. Some people tried to keep working but most of us just stopped and kept trying to use the phones/check news reports and the like. This--and near constant--tremors happened until 6:00pm when I finally left the office with two of my coworkers who also live in Ikebukuro.

Trains were down, grabbing a taxi was near impossible. Even if you got a taxi it'd take you just as long to get back.

So we walked from Kojimachi to Ikebukuro. About a 6mile walk which took about two hours; nothing compared to the 7 hour walks people I know had to go through, though.

It was terrifying when it happened but I'm really, really thankful I was at work when it happened; surrounded by people who cared about me and an incredibly concerned staff of superiors who made sure everyone else was okay before making preparations to return home themselves.

When I returned home I was beyond relieved to fine my roommate safe and our apartment shaken up but mostly okay.

 

 

 

So this was the basic state of my room. My bookshelf moved about a foot away from the wall, stuff fell over, my glass mirror jumped off my shelf and onto my bathrobe (thankfully!) and one of my frames jumped off my wall above my bed. Needless to say nothing is hanging over my bed right now.

The damage in Tokyo is minuscule compared to what Sendai, Aomori, Iwate and others suffered. We were very, very lucky. I love Sendai, love Sendai and I can't believe that this has happened. 

But the danger isn't over. My friend has been mailing me since Friday asking if I was okay and to continue exercising caution. It was really sweet and at first I wasn't too worried. Until he sent me a message around 2:00am this morning.

There's a 70% chance that a 7 could hit again within the next three days. My mentor/boss called me and said that our division head had contacted her and that work was "come in at your own discretion tomorrow". She is easily one of the hardest working people I know and she's decided not to come in. I told her we were probably going to Nagoya for a few days. 

So we are to stay with a good friend of mine. Just in case. 

My mom wants me home; part of me wants to go. But I'm not ready just yet. If it gets worse, at least I have all the stuff I'd need to leave the country. 

But I hope & pray it doesn't come to that.

To everyone here, please please be safe and if you aren't here but know somebody that is or even if you don't, pray for them, keep them in your thoughts, even wish for their well-being. It's all we can do. 

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